I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
