I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
