Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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