I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
