How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
