New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
