you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
