On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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