then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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