Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
