I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
