You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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