be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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