I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
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Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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