Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
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on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
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I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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