is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
