I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
