Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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