dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
