Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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