I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
