I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
