Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
