Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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