Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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