first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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