If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
