Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
