i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
