its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
