I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
