this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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