I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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