quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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