i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We need to get me chipped asap
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
