angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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