I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
