Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
