i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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