I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
