Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
