im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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