Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
