there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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