If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
