My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
