What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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