My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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