Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
