somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
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Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize