my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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