I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
