His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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