i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
