I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
