would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
