Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
