Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
