I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
