How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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