Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
