I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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