I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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