yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
