Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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