why didn't you poke me back
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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