The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
