you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
