Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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