in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
