Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
