oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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