apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
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I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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