OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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