my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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