I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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