I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
